I see you lean back and forth as you kayak across the channels
wondering if what I said about sea spirits is true
you drop tobacco in the water every time now, just in case
and my heart smiles at your young soul
sometimes I catch your eyes boring the ocean depths
trying to soak in its magic
and I think you catch glimpses of me
I know you go there when my memory fills your mind so much
that there are no words or reason to left to share it with anyone
my friends and I play endlessly
gliding through the reefs, dodging glacier ice and loving you
we splash against your boat to wash the dust from your eyes
that makes you blind to truth
we scare sharks from your proximity
and call killer whales to come and give you a show
the dolphins, sea lions and I swim in and out of the water
so you won't feel alone
Old Tlingit spirits give me songs
to keep calling you back to the sea
they pity me for loving you so
at night I stretch my arms out to the sky
throwing magic stars into the night
that dance to ancient songs you can only hear with your heart
when you've been a long time away
I soar through the water tracing the paths of the mountains' shadows
and sing your name four times
and wait patiently for your light to illuminate my path
my heart beats loudly as I approach you
helping myself to one more look at your face
that day you sent me away
my salty tears rained over the side of the ferry
and the ocean reached up from the heart of the earth
to comfort and love me
I tried desperately to fight it
it was no one but you I wanted to love me
I struggled grasping and moaning for air and you
but the ocean won, captured me, possessed me
the seeds you sprinkled have sprouted forget-me-nots
all along the ocean bed where I lay dreaming of making love with you
I awaken crying
but who could notice down here
the ocean doesn't mean to be possessive that's just the way she is
and me I just keep swimming and swimming looking upward for you
I am of two hearts now
I have learned to like the salty water
the feel of seaweed as it tickles my belly
I have made friends with the starfish crab and sea urchins
the beauty here is mesmerizing
I am of two hearts now
I want to leave this place
scream at her, you don't own me anymore
touch the earth, gulp down mouths full of air
drink in the power of your lips against mine
but I am afraid you would send me away again
if I found my way back
besides this vast ocean has given me many gifts
I have a bag full of medicine she gave me
that I throw into the sky or water or mix with sand
and send to the land people
and everytime I use this stardust there is twice as much in its place
everytime I give my medicine away
without asking for anything in return
it becomes stronger and makes sparkles in my eyes
and in their reflection is an image of you
playing guitar, touching my face, brushing my hair
an image of you
watching me sleep
watching me loving you watching me
I see you lean back and forth as you kayak across the channels
wondering if I what I said about sea spirits is true
selfishly fantasizing sometimes that you would tip over
and be reborn into my arms
knowing all the while I can only love you from an ocean away
and a Raven spirit still hovers around me singing your name
in a little girl's voice
that in the ocean sounds like a chorus of angels praying to be born
wanting so badly to live lifetimes over and over
so they can be nearer to the light
like me
when I see your spirit shining
rays piercing the water
that draws me nearer and nearer and nearer
Kareen Lewis
